When it all goes wrong

Have you ever had one of those days, where you feel like everything just goes wrong? Today is not one of those days, it was kind of worse. I have been struggle recently with my emotions, trying to get a grip on it and control it, I don't know if there are any guys out there that can relate with me, but I am one of those people that are at the extreme end of the extrovert spectrum. Where most people see extroverts as individuals who are loud and happy go lucky, most people don't know that the extroverts source of energy is sourced externally, based on his surrounding. I am one of these people that are so influenced by my surrounding and circumstances, like any emotion that I feel is shown all over my face, and I have been made to believe that this is just bad.

Screwing up my quiz, I studied pretty hard for my quiz, clocked the hours in, and when it came down to it, it was a silly mistake that caused me 5 precious marks in my quiz, I go really hard on myself and I just wanted to break down and cry in the midst of a class full of people so what I did was I went to the toilet and did that, came out and was questioned if I went to shit, in front of a crowd which was rather embarrassing  On top of that the class that I attended in the afternoon was a very low energy class which was driving me to a point of depression. It was just piling on one another. Then the day slowly began to get better.

Then it was time for carecell, everything was great but I knew I was tired, and when I am tired I am easily swayed by my emotions, picked up a call from a cell member that spoke extremely rudely where I questioned him why he was talking so rudely, and after that, there were some jokes made and I wish I could have stayed composed but I lost it but took it out in a humorous manner, and just to be in the place, brought back memories, on how I was an AL and I just to think that I thought that I had grown into maybe a carecell leader or a sectional leader but I was an AL just was heart breaking, whereby I was at the venue where carecell was held where I was an AL, and how the carecell leader was coming in and saying all the right things at the right time, and I was not. Just internal thought on how a disappointment I am in myself. Just heard that whole voice saying you are nothing more than a failure, a loser, a disappointment and nothing more and how I could not even control my face, cos as I was mentioning in the earlier paragraph, when I am disheartened it shows all over my face. On top of that just the disability to assign people to pray for the prayer needs, added to that..there was a knife in cell, just wanted nothing more to stick that in me, and to end everyones misery, the misery of my church for thinking I was ready to be a leader, to misery of myself for how much I had disappointed myself, the people around me so that they didnt have to bear with my mistakes and emotions anymore, just wished it could end, and with all that thought running in my mind, and my eyes just about to break into tears, I whispered a call to heaven, Dear Lord, please Help me.

With that I managed to calm myself down, and smile and just went to the kitchen and talked it out with my carecell leader. On my way home, it was a hard long drive home, asking God, what is He trying to do with me, why me, why so much pain, why cant i be like the other people that no matter what can be calm and can think thoroughly without showing any emotions, why must I be like this. A simple word of no mistakes, was replied. I believe He was telling me, He makes no mistakes, and I believe Him.

If you are reading this, and you are having a rough time, as much bad stuff may be going on in your life, always remember in the midst of trial comes opportunity to be grateful. If I messed my quiz up, then I could thank God for the motivation to study the next quiz, If people were to cause me some embarrassment, I was gonna laugh it off and survive, If I was made to be a feeling person, I could be grateful, at least I could share whatever pain that others are going through, If I am sent right to the bottom then it is an opportunity to learn again from the bottom, this is the secret of living a better life, just knowing as emotional and feeling and intuitive I am, there are people that will see me for the person that I am, and whoever you are, just take a deep hard look around you, there are people that might be loving you despite your flaws that you might have overlooked or ignored previously, be grateful for them, be grateful for the breath that you have been borrowed, be grateful for mistake that you've made, be grateful for failures, be grateful for disappointment, because the good side is, there will always be a good side to anything, remember tonight, that you are NO MISTAKE, God makes NO mistakes! You are made in the image and likeness of God, and you are getting closer to your goals, with every fall you rise one step close, because behind every successful man, there were many unsuccessful tries, goodnight!:)

Learn, Unlearn, Re-learn.

There are many key to successes, but for today I think it would be apt to say one of those vital keys is the attitude to learn, unlearn and re-learn. It takes a huge load of humility and a large chunk of self denial to do so. All this concluded from another cell planning with Mr. Matt Leong. This guy never fails to impress me and challenge my thinking towards my outlook in life, all in a way that does not put you down but makes you think. As I have written in my previous post, I was once commissioned to be of equal position of him, but now listening to him speak awakens me to the fact that I am no where near his capability and magnitude of wisdom. A lot of concepts about success in carecell that I always thought was the 'right way of doing things' falls into the extreme end of the spectrum of being wrong. With this said and done, I can completely and easily choose to be defeated, tired or brought down, and the fact that the person that is leading me is one of those guys that was once my juniors, requires a huge chunk of my pride and ego to be swallowed, but in the end of the day I ask myself why I am doing all of this for, who am I doing it all for..It always comes down to the simple answer that Jesus DIED on the cross for ME. Nothing that I can do can lie in comparison to what He has done for me, the magnitude of his love for me, and the number of times that He has picked me up in the midst of my filt and tell me, son, brush the dirt of your shoulders and keep going, I love you. For Him if I have to deny everything of who I am, break all vain obsession and to surrender every part of my life, if I have to die to myself daily, I would do so for Him, then and only then I would be able to learn to learn, unlearn and re-learn what it is to love others as much as God loves them, goodnight:)

Nobody succeeds alone

Let me start the story at yesterday night, where I spent a couple of hours planning a compound workout plan as well as a calorie deficit diet, I went to bed feeling really pumped and excited as today cutting began. I woke up this morning however, feeling the least bit motivated to do anything. I wanted to make my eggs breakfast but didnt wanna do it, I wanted to get ready for the gym but didnt want to do it, all in all I just wanted to roll back into my bed and sleep again. Then, this picture flashed across my mind, so I just left the house. Getting to the gym was nothing different, as I felt just as unenthusiastic about anything.

But as soon as I go to the gym, I saw these two guys from my college, clocking time in and hard at work. Seeing that there are others out there reaching towards the same goals as I was, I felt my spirits slowly being lifted.

After speaking to them, I was all pumped and ready when I thought of just weighing to get a weight before I start the entire cutting just to be able to see the difference once its dont, low and behold for all I know this was the results that came out! 13% body fat?! There was never once in this lifetime where my body had that little fat ever! I was even more excited. The event that occured after this blew me away. 

So, after a warm up session, I started working on my squats cross push up exercise and when it was done, Justin the dude on the right in the picture above, came up to me and gave me a banana saying hey man, this will give you some energy to finish your workout.

 I was mind blown by his kindness that he would do such an act. I managed to finish all my exercise, ate his banana did 10mins of high intensity cardio and left the gym. To think that this little gesture of his would have given me that vital motivation to keep going, inspired me to write this post.

What I am trying to get at is nobody succeeds alone. We were never created to be that way or function in such a manner. We need each other, to push us, to support us, to tell us that we can get up and try again although we've failed for the upteee-th time. We need each other. I personally train alone in the gym as my times are pretty unpredictable but just to have these guys from college there in the gym, gives me the courage to keep striving forward knowing that I am not the only one that wants this, that there are others out there working towards the same goal, and if you are reading this and no matter what it is in life that you are trying to achieve, look for people that are going to believe in you, people that are going to help you plan and most importantly people that love you enough to tell you, hey...you are going in the wrong direction. Because in the end of the day, no matter how far you go or how much you achieve, non of it is ever going to be worth it if you don't have anyone to celebrate your success with. With each other we can go through this and we can come out on top as victors. So I would like to end this post by saying, remove the negative voices in your life, looks for the one that love you enough to pull you up when you are down, pull you back when you are going in the wrong direction and one that are willing to spend the time pulling the potential out of you and transforming that into successes, lets win this together, goodnight.

Digging deep.

A couple of nights ago, I was asked a very serious question by one of my life coaches; what in the hell do I wanna do with my life? As I sat down and thrashed it out with him, there were so many endeavors that I put my hand into with nothing concrete in it. I am pretty much the most emotional male you might ever meet. That contributes to my strength and failure which also plays a huge part in my decision making whereby a whole load of shots are called when I am feeling a certain way. As our conversation got deeper, the actualization got clearer that everything that I put my hands into was for one sole purpose, which was to touch and change another life. From the days of teaching tuition, to working with Hitz.fm, to starting the Lightbulb group, to wanting to initiate an idea called Sleeping with the lights on, to trying out my hand at business with Brown Sugar Shoes, all of it was done to make another life better...and did I mention I failed at everyone of those things miserably. This had credited to the fact that I was unreliable on decision making which contributed to me being a weak leader. This was one of those pills I had to swallow even as bitter as it tasted. I had come full circle as a leader in church too,whereby I started of as an Associate Leader to a Carecell Leader, commissioned as Sectional Leader and now 3 years later back to being an associate leader starting back at square one, in other words the biggest failure out there (this is a feat no one has performed before). Hahaha I sure do suck at a lot of things, but one thing I also suck at is quitting. So after a night of thrashing thoughts out, I came to a conclusion that I'm gonna set my mind on something and dig deep into it, alright all set; but wait! What is it that I am going to dig deep into?

Another hurdle.

I thinked about it, I dont have any conventional passions; music, sports, arts, fashion, food..none of these amuse me, maybe for a little while but had never lasted long. And so we spoke of where were the hours in my day going to cos I'm running around most of the time. Low and behold the one consistent thing that I have been doing since I was 16, fighting the war against fat! It all clicked, I woke up and I told myself If there is one thing im going to dig deep into this year is to get into the best shape of my life. I have been working out consistently for the past 5 months as well, but with not too much drive, but all that is about to change.

I took the last 2 hours of my life out to device a workout and dietary plan suited to my body after research and now I am ready, as I embark on a serious cutting streak for the next 12 weeks, its time to go hard and go home. Why am I doing this you may ask Perhaps. It is because of this kid right here.

Age 16, 95kg's.

I was obese almost my entire life, and I decided to make a change for it, and this is me back in high school with the biggest size I've been, the least self esteem I've had, and pretty much bullied a lot. So why I am doing this again? I am doing this not only for myself but for everyone out there that has faced anything I've been through, if I can make a change to how my body is shaped to be the best I can be, than who says that you can't. Take it from someone who has failed in almost every aspect of his life before, all you got to do, is get right back up, throw off the self pity and give it one more go, you can do this, you were made nothing short of greatness, give it all you've got. So, this is what my life is going to be about till the end of 2013, time in the gym, eating right, researching and getting into the best shape possible, so that I would be credible to tell others they can do it too. This is where I am beginning today and you should too. Goodnight!:)

Georgeous fitness Puchong

" the only man you should fear, is the one that has nothing left to lose " Paul Walker from Vehicle 19.

You are my strength, 1/6

The word for today is definitely grateful. As I go to bed tonight, I am lost for words but to say thank you to my savior Jesus Christ. Just to summarize a couple of things that happened today. Actually yesterday when I was heading for the gym after a couple of days being down and out, my mom walks up to me, pulls out a new pair of gym gloves and tells me that she can't fit them and asks me if I want it. Then, when putting them into my bag already feeling eternally grateful, I just looked at my current gym bag and said, wouldnt it be nice if I had a nicer gym bag, when Mandy decides to call me and tell me her mom got me an early birthday gift...I am like what!! My birthday is no where near, its in october in fact, and low and behold, a brand new Adidas Bag! And when I saw it, perfect for gym, if that is not good enough. One of my mates, Matt, decides to ask me for my bank acc, and tell me he has got profit from a business adventure we embarked on somewhere last year. All these in One day!

I was stopped in my tracks to be reminded again, truly how good God really is, if only I just surrender everything to Him. My life was at an all time low this year just a couple of days ago, and now blessing after blessing after blessing. The best part is God knows how to love me, the way I want to be loved. And if all that is not good enough, He comes up through his word, through the apostle today, and slaps me across the face to remind me that I ought to have weaknesses cos only in my weakness can His strength and grace be made known. To be a little more specific, I was commissioned as a sectional leader early this year, and that was a great honor knowing that I would be serving God at a higher capacity whereby being a sectional leader would mean to look into more than one carecell. 6 months down the road, today I was in a way demoted back to an associate leader, whereby I am no longer functioning as a sectional leader, nor a cell leader but as an associate leader right where I started off in the carecell system 3 years ago, It didnt bother me, cos all I ever wanted to do was to serve, in whichever capacity given, but it was hard to swallow, which really made me feel like a failure, but todays entire message was about the fact that I have jelly on my hands, but God will still use them, in other words, no matter how many times I fail, God has a purpose, reason and plan for me, to be at that very place in my life, so I am just going to enjoy the journey there! So, I just said a prayer for all the sources God has used to blessed me, for God to bless them more! So that together we get to be a blessing to this world.

In other news, I managed to hit the gym today and due to the lack of time, managed to work on some isolations on the back, im hoping when I wake up tomorrow I'll be able to walk normally, and Mandy Teck if by any chance you are reading this, I want you to know that you are one of the best gifts God has blessed me with in this lifetime, thank you for being there through every moment, You truly are precious beyond words, thank you for teaching me to at times stand up for myself, and to get me the respect I deserve!:)

All in all, Jesus, You are my strength in everything I do, the reason behind I am who I am.